Reaching out

Ok, so I finally reached out and told my brother what was going on. Needed some advice, and if I want truth, painfully honest truth, I go to my brother. So, he says, "Calm down, I cant understand you when you're crying" Ok, so whats wrong, so I tell him, he says, get a second job (quite honestly I've never held two jobs and it scares the hell out of me). I can't, I'm going to school, I have Sydney, what to do? Well, he says, "Maybe you need to put school aside for awhile and get out of this mess first" We will watch Sydney a couple nights a week if you need us to, and you can work if Al hasn't found another job. Quite frankly, I don't think he as been looking very hard, which really pisses me off since he said he would take care of everything and I didn't have to worry. YEAH RIGHT!!! HAHAHAHAHA~~ So now that I have digested this brutal honesty, from he who has never worked two jobs before but has also not over extended himself to the point of needing to, I've applied for a second job, and I will apply for more. Sydney is now old enough to understand the necessity of working two jobs, and if I have to, I'll just not sleep for a really long time and keep going to school anyway. Yeah, that's it, not like no one else has ever done it, I can do it, I'm gonna quit whining. I'll go to fast food or some customer service job, because I'm good at it, and it's like a no brainer for me, and I can sock away the money, pour it into the bills, get them paid off and then maybe be able to do something like not worry about it. I'll finish school, I am going to finish school, oh yes, but brother is right, got to get out of this mess first.

Digging out

So, financially we are in a giant ditch. Oh more like a crater has opened and swallowed us. Are we done falling? We are certainly done digging. So now we are trying to climb out and fill in the hole behind us, so the bills are not done coming in from the surgery, and we are no where near done with the doctor's follow up visits. We applied for assistance, because a friend had to buy us groceries. We don't qualify for assistance, we make too much for them to even take into consideration the medical costs. We only make a little more than the allowable level, but still it's over and they won't look at us. We quit smoking, because obviously if we have to have someone buy us groceries, the whopping $302 per month we were spending on ciggarettes is totally uncalled for. We put ourselves in this hole last year when we bought the new car, then the jobs went south and we were making over $20,000 less than we were last July. Same boat a lot of folks are in, we are dodging phone calls, can't figure out what to do. Thankful the rent is paid for another month, all the basic necessities are paid, except for the GIGANTIC car registration which was due last week, oh and the ability to buy food for ourselves. Just praying, trying to hold it together. No one around the house is listening, busy staring at the television instead. That is making things so much better!

Random

Lots of reasons to ponder life and death around lately, too many really, don't like to think of it, but sometimes I have to remember that today we are here, tomorrow we may be gone and we need to keep going, keep being thankful, keep living, for every breath.

The daughter had her cast removed on Thursday, she's really happy to have it off. Getting easier to walk on it every day, still wearing a walking boot, but sometimes she is willing to walk without it. Have to be careful, the strength has to be regained in that leg, but she is working realy hard to do that.

The boyfriend, he's an angel sent from heaven to watch over me. With the deaths of those the same age as he, he is thinking about his health and getting out there and walking again for exercise.

Well, more swimming and working tomorrow, down 45 pounds from last May, its amazing how much better my mind feels!

Thats it for now, just random thoughts filling my head!

I DID IT

I raised my GPA and made satisfactory progress in school. I not only completed all my classes, but passed them with flying colors. I did well enough to no longer be on accademic probation, I still have to be on financial aid probation because they toughened up the guidelines, but I'm getting there, and I get to go to school over the summer and get even closer. Maybe silly to be so happy, but it's been a long long road for me and I haven't done well in school since before I moved to Reno, so for me, I am very proud, very happy and just want to keep going and moving forward.

On the daughter front, tonight she and a friend played in the mud, which would not normally be a problem, but the splint got very muddy, along with the wheelchair, the pads for said wheel chair, the child, the front porch, and anything else around. I know that she is bored, and not able to do much but sit in the chair or attempt to wander around on the crutches. I'm glad that she is trying to think of something to do besides sit in front of the television, but the mess on the porch was the last thing I wanted to deal with after work today. AH well, sounds like life.

I'm thankful that she broke her leg and not her head, I'm thankful that she is trying to get through with minimum complaining about being hot and itchy and uncomfortable. I'm thankful that I won the helmet war before this happened and I'm thankful that my brother had made sure that the helmet was properly adjusted for her head. I'm thankful that she is healthy other than a broken leg and I continue to hold onto my faith that she will heal correctly and be just fine.
Life's an adventure, I'm enjoying the ride.

Happy Birthday to my father.

After Surgery

She made it through, we will know two weeks from now how the healing is going. For now, it is painful, she sleeps a lot, and she is driving me NUTS with the dumb TV shows. She's camped out on the couch for now, my living room is beginning to look like her bedroom did before I attacked it tonight. She's moving back in there whether she likes it or not!!!! I didn't know I had the strength to get her in and out of the bath tub, or to repeatedly lift her in and out of the car, she helps a bit of course, but not as much as she could, we are learning together how to do this!
Tomorrow I go back to work for the first time after her surgery. She will go back to school Monday, and hopefully we will get back to normal.
I took my final for math today, got a 90%, so off to summer school for the next class. Tonight I'll write my two finals for the other classes and then I'm done with Spring semester. First semester that I have completed since Fall 05, YAY ME! Keep Sydney in your prayers, pray for fast healing and for Mommy not to loose her patience too much.

Did You Know? Or Adventures in Parenting an ACCIDENT PRONE daughter!

Did you know that there is now an x-ray machine on which an x-ray can be transmitted to a doctor via the Internet? Did you know that a child can break her ankle ten minutes after she says "Mom, I'm going to ride my bike" Did you know that there are growth plates in the ankle? I did not know any of this until last night! Crash course in radiology!
Sydney left the house yesterday night to ride her bike. Ten minutes later the kids from around the corner were running to the house "Sydney fell!" I walk down there, hear her crying before I even round the corner. Three adults holding her up, can't bear weight on her left leg. OH (four letter word, rhymes with MUCK, I was doing so well not cussing too!) Call home on someones cell phone, I'll need the car, no answer, no answer. I run back to the house, leaving my daughter, crying, on the curb with ice on her leg. Ah, here is why there's no answer in the house, Al is standing outside to see what's happened. "GET THE CAR, GET THE CAR NOW!" We pull up and load bike and kid into the car, get home, look at leg, can you wiggle your toes? Yes, can you move your ankle? NO! Ok, can you move the other ankle, yep, black and blue, not 20 minutes after falling, hmm, can't be too good, take her to the hospital, after two broken arms and surgery required for each one, I've learned something. Yelling that word in the house, over and over, looking for shoes, for keys, for phone, call her father, drive to the emergency room. Get to said emergency, taken into urgent care. Wait for an eternity, they x-ray with the coolest machine I've ever seen, they didn't have this machine two years ago when she broke her arms. I don't see a break in the picture, they come back and say they need a lower picture, looks like the break is in the ankle, they do another x-ray, the bone doctor who happens to be in the ER says to do a CT scan. YAHHOOO, I've now officially met my deductible! No one can read the CT scan by the time it's done, the doctor has left. Ok, so they give her Tylenol with codeine twice, take her vital signs twice, splint the leg, and off we go, the kid on crutches, her crying because of the pain. Get her home, get NO sleep, go to work, get little done, go home early, go to the orthopaedists office, find out how bad the break is. DID you know that if a child breaks the bone at the growth plate they have to put screws in to line it up? Did you know that the screws will stay in there? Did you know that you can go to the doctor on Friday and they do surgery on Monday. Pray for her Monday, pray for her surgery to go well, pray the doc knows what he's doing, and guide his hands to steady completion of the surgery.

Mobile Daughter

When my Sydney was 6 I bought her a bicycle. I got a bike for myself too, so that once she knew how to ride I could go for rides with her. It was going to be fantastic, exciting, we'd go on adventures together. We went out and kept trying to get her to learn to ride the bike, she would fall, say I pushed her off, and then wouldn't get on it again. Over the last three and a half years I have tried time and again to get her to ride that bike, but to no avail. Last year I gave up on the idea of long family bike rides and gave my mountain bike away to someone who would use it. I didn't like the bike anyway, I'd rather have a beach cruiser. So yesterday I was in the thrift store, and I saw an old Huffy bike sitting there, it was $4, no visible damage, ugly as sin, pink and purple, puffy little seat, so on a whim I had her sit on it, perfect fit, I bought it, an old helmet, and I took the bike to the gas station for some air in the tires. We went to a baseball game last night, she took the bike with her. The bike is tall enough for me to hold a handle bar while she rides. She was insistent that she could not do it on her own. So I helped her, until my arm was tired and I got to playing with my former neighbor's two year old while they coached the ball game of the 7 year old. We were going to the car for a sweater, Sydney insistent that I help her, me telling her I didn't have a hand to help her with, so then suddenly off she went, she was riding the two wheeler, BY HERSELF, tears in my eyes as she sped past me, baby and I jumping up and down cheering Sidy on, OH OH OH. So, she is mobile now, first a little bike, then a bigger bike, then only 7 years from now, a drivers license. This is the hard part, I know, I've said it before, this is the hard part though, letting her go bit by bit, my baby girl.