Parenting

I was reminded recently that our children need guidance and depend upon the boundaries that we set for them to feel comfortable. I knew this prior to being told the other night, but it made me feel better about my parenting style. It was also suggested that I make choices for my child without letting her know what is going on and without her input. While I am aware that this parenting style exists, it is not my style nor within my nature to make life altering choices for my child without at least discussing it with her. My daughters input, while not the deciding factor, does have some weight when I am considering the best way to proceed. I was also reminded that at 10, she is still a child, something that I have more of a tendency to forget than to remember due to 10 being the age at which I was asked to care for my younger brothers and take on a lot of responsibility that does not belong on the shoulders of a child. Being reminded of those things, I am reconsidering just which details, if any to share with my daughter regarding her fathers poor choices and the reasons that he has spent the better part of the last three years sitting in the local county jail. She is asking tough questions, like why I don't think he is a safe person for her to go around in a car in, and why I have decided that he will only be allowed to visit her at the house on certain days, and why when he doesn't show up when he says he will and doesn't call that we don't dwell on this fact and we go about our plans without him there and enjoy ourselves anyway. I'm in this tight position, where I have to stand up and be the bad guy to protect my child from a person who very much loves her, but has thus far proven that he is incapable of making decisions that have the welfare of my child in mind. In order to keep the welfare of your child in check you must have control of the situation. He says he would never allow my daughter to be hurt, yet in the next sentence he says he can't control other people's actions. Right, you can't control someone else's actions, but you should be in control of your reactions to them.
Another thought, last night I was with a friend, we took two of her children and my daughter trick or treating, on the way back there was a discussion on the fact that her 7 year old sons room now has posters of the Corona girl, scantily clad of course, the Budwieser girls, again indencently clothed hanging on the wall. She admits that if you didn't know who lived there you would believe that it is a teenage boy and not a 7 year old boy. She says, I had hoped those things would come later, but I have no control over it, people have just given them to him. I held my tounge, but if he were my 7 year old son and it were my friends or boyfriend or what not, and if it were my house, the answer would simply be, to the person giving these items to him, that these items are not appropriate for his age level, and furthermore I refuse to teach my son to objectify women in such a manner.
I'm glad I held my tounge, it would only cause a fight, but why do not more parents choose to be strong and lay down the law rather than to utilize the reasoning I had no control over it, it just happened.