Soon and 15 years later

SOON...
In two days I begin my final semester of working toward my Associates Degree. It was my first little goal when I was 18 and starting college. So now nearly 15 years later, I have accomplished it. Will I go on, most likely, but not right away because another dream is coming true this summer. The baby that I've wanted for years is on the way.

15 Years Later...
Also on Monday is the 15th anniversary of my mother's death. I can't believe that 15 years has passed. Last year the anniversary meant that my youngest brother had lived as long with my mother as he had without, this year that becomes true for my next youngest brother. Three years later it will be true for me. I feel strange to think that I've spent nearly half my life without the person who brought me into the world. I miss her, mostly these days when I see a grandma with her granddaughter, I wish my daughter had that with my mother. She is fortunate to have a loving relationship with her paternal grandmother, but she lives far away and we don't get to see her often enough. I can't believe that I've been in Reno for nearly 13 of those years, I left so much behind me when I came over the summit to live all those years ago, and I only meant to come for half a year, maybe a year at the most. I can't believe that the person I stayed for has become someone that I don't recognize anymore. How does life change so much?

I have done a lot of forgiving in the last 15 years, a lot of learning to love myself and to have faith in my ability to be someone separate from my mother. I love you Mom, I miss you, and I hope you are at peace.